First-Time Anal Sex Tips: A Guide on How to Do Anal
If you're considering having anal sex for the first time, you're probably wondering how to do anal—how do you prepare, relax, and enjoy the intimate moment with your partner?
It's a question that's becoming more common. According to the latest research from the Kinsey Institute, more young women than ever — 45 percent — are exploring anal play.
To answer your first-time anal sex questions, we called in the experts: Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist, and Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.
Relax your mind...and body
The last thing you want to be before attempting anal penetration (or anal stimulation) is tense. "If you're hesitant, nervous, or not into it, no one is going to get off, and what's the point of that?" says Taormino. If this is your first time trying anal sex, spend some time relaxing—take a hot bath, ask your partner to give you a sensual massage, heck, you can even meditate. To prepare for anal sex, you can also focus on specifically relaxing your the muscles of your anal sphincter. To see what that feels like, tighten your butt muscles—kind of like a kegel for the other end—and then release.
Figuring out how to do anal sex with your partner stars with communication. "Talk about it first. As with all types of sexual activity, anal sex is something that should be discussed beforehand," says Needle. "Communicate your fears and expectations with your partner, and make sure that you are both on the same page about things like speed, depth, etc. Trust me, this is one area in which you do NOT want any surprises."
Throughout the experience, it is your job to pay attention to what you are feeling, and communicate this to your partner. If something feels uncomfortable or painful, let them know.
You may choose to establish a safe word to let your partner know you're not comfortable moving forward or that you want to move a little slower.
"Many women's fear of first-time anal sex stems from a fear of what goes on back there (naturally) and how that's going to play into the action," says Needle. "To cleanse yourself (literally) of such mental roadblocks, take a nice, steamy shower first."
One of the best ways to ease into anal play is to make sure you're extremely aroused beforehand. "The number-one mistake people make is rushing," says Taormino. Start with foreplay, vaginal sex, anything that turns you on. (Being one or two orgasms deep before you try any anal penetration helps.) "The more aroused you are, the more relaxed your sphincter muscle will be, and that's going to make for a hotter and easier experience," she says.
The key to really enjoying anal sex? Lube, lube, and more lube. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce its own lubricant. The more lube you use, the more comfortable and enjoyable anal sex can be, explains Needle. Don't forget to make sure you are using a condom-safe, water or silicone-based lubricant (oil-based lubricants aren't compatible with condoms). Don't be afraid to reapply frequently. More lube equals better anal sex always.
For first-time anal sex, the receiver (aka whichever partner is being penetrated) should be the one to control the depth and speed of penetration. The optimal position to allow you to do that is you on top, which gives you full control of just how fast and deep you go.