I've never considered myself gay or bisexual. I don't find men attractive or unattractive nor have I looked at another man and thought to myself, "I'd like to fuck him." But I have wondered what it would be like to have sex with a man. My curiosity was satisfied one night with a very close friend, Rowan.
Rowan and I met at university. We had declared the same major and therefore had many of the same classes. We became friends and throughout our academic career, we often studied together and worked on projects together. At one point we even shared a room. Even years after our university times were over, we had stayed in contact. We lived in separate towns about an hour away. We would get together to enjoy pizza, a movie, or just hang out.
I was married when I met Rowan, but a few years after our university experience was over, my marriage had fallen apart. This one particular evening I decided to make the drive to go visit my buddy. We went out and took it in a hockey game then afterward got some pizza and went home. Both of us were tired and decided to turn in early it was about 11 o'clock. As we entered Rowan's bedroom he said to me, "Bob, you take my bed and I'll sleep on the floor. We don't get to see each other as often as we would like, so I figure I need to be a good host."
We settled into bed and lay in the dark listening to some music. As we reminisced about the past and how my ex-wife had made going to university difficult, Rowan asked about our sex life. Then, he asked me a question I never thought I would ever hear from him, "have you ever wondered what it would be like to have sex with another man?"
"Do you want an honest answer?"
"Yeah, let's be really honest."
"Well," I started, "I think that if most men were truly honest with themselves, they would probably admit having some homosexual interest."
"I totally agree," Rowan said. "So are you telling me that you have thought about it?"
I decided to play a psychological game and turned the tables, as I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. "Are you telling me that you have thought about it Rowan?"
"I'll be honest," he said. "I am curious."
Silence ensued. We stopped talking and listened quietly. You could hear our hearts pumping. Clearly, taboo thoughts were racing through our heads. I broke the silence by saying, "well, to be honest, yes I have thought about it to."
Rowan took the plunge, "if I were to have sex with a man, it would have to be with someone I totally trust, someone who could keep secret."
"That's the only way I would do it," I said. "Are you hinting to me, Rowan, do you want to try this with me?"