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“Being sexy comes from the inside,” explained Irene Fehr, MA, CPCC, certified sex and intimacy coach. “Women know this intuitively. When we’re experiencing pleasure in our bodies, we feel sexy. We relax, and the lights go on in our bodies.” In other words, being “turned on” is not something that happens to you; it comes from within you. To turn yourself on, live your life in a more pleasurable state (see above), get to know what makes you feel good, and (just as a bonus) never forget to check yourself out when you pass by mirrors, knowing “sexy” comes from you. 

PSA: how much pleasure you feel (and deserve) has absolutely nothing to do with your pants size or breakouts on your face. However, it has everything to do with how you feel about your pants size and breakouts on your face. It’s no surprise that confidence correlates to sexy, but it’s not just about how you come off to other people: loving your body increases your pleasure too. “Being sexy is more than just an action or how you come off to others,” Dr. Beale explained. “It is about the confidence that comes from within; the confidence that comes with knowing who you are as a sexual being.”

If you judge your body for not looking like J.Lo’s or don’t think you have as much body confidence as Lizzo, don’t worry. It’s not as much about loving the way your body looks (although you should actively, passionately, and unapologetically work on that too). Instead, it’s about loving what your body can do, knowing that it deserves pleasure, and trusting your body wants the best for you (like, IDK, unlimited orgasms). Otherwise, if you’re not “being sexy” for your body, what’s the point?